Ask Roger: Family and holiday Stress

Family and holiday Stress

I received this email from Joyce in Thousand Palms, CA, who asks how to handle family and holiday stress.

“Roger I was talking with a friend who sees you in Palm Desert and she said I should contact you. I am totally freaking out about my family and holiday stress and I just don’t know how to handle it.

My husband and I are politically moderate and our two sons and their wives are very progressive which is fine – we all get along. We can listen, talk, agree and disagree, laugh and still love each other. The problem is one of my brothers is coming for Thanksgiving and the other one for Christmas. They are both very politically conservative and aren’t open to discussions of any differing view point than their own. We’ve had some doozy fights.

I love them both dearly and we can get along if we don’t talk politics. But I am terrified that one of them will make a comment and one of us will take the bait.

This is keeping me awake at night and I’m starting to dread the holidays that I have always loved.

Can you help me? Are you accepting new clients in your Palm Desert Hypnosis office and do you have time for me?

Thanks,

Joyce”

Take it outside

“Hi Joyce,

Thanks for reaching out to me and let me assure you that you are not alone. My first Ask Roger was almost exactly three years ago and it was titled, Surviving Thanksgiving with a politically divided family. Each year since, someone(s) have asked similar questions. In recent years, this has become a serious challenge for many families.

Over the years I’ve heard about two approaches that seem to work well. One is to talk to everyone prior to the gathering and tell them that your house rules are “No Politics may be discussed in your home.” If they really need to discuss politics, take it outside. Be clear that there is zero tolerance.

The other approach that I have heard is a written invitation that clearly states that politics are off limits. You can convey this message with humor and with love and with sincerity – making it clear that there are no political debates in your home during holiday gatherings.

Get out your toilet brush

One woman told me that in her letter to her family she said that violators would be tasked with washing dishes, scrubbing toilets, cleaning the basement and shoveling snow if there was any. She even had a toilet brush in the corner of her dining room and before asking the blessing she made sure that people knew that it was there and why it was there. She giggled and said that had one of the best family gatherings that she can remember. Everyone was on their best behavior.

I believe that people get it and will honor your request. So be upfront about it and put it out there.

 As for the stress, I invite you to listen to Orange Blossom everyday between now and the holidays – even longer if you wish. Also, Roger’s Wiggle and the Stress Reduction Response can help make the holidays, relaxed, joyful and filled with love.

Joyce, I will call you in the morning so that we can get you scheduled.

My best wishes,

Roger”