Not everyone will be rooting for you
When you are becoming slender for life not everyone will be rooting for you. We form ideas or pictures in our mind about other people and who we think that they are. When they do something outside of that idea or image, it can be disconcerting.
When some one is changing themselves, it can force us to look at our own issues. It can go like this: best friends Dick and John are both overweight. John loses weight and is now leading a very active lifestyle that Dick can’t keep up, Dick can be resentful of John and try to get his old couch potato buddy back.
At Slender For Life™ Weight Loss Hypnosis you learn the tools to navigate through these situations so that you can live your life Slender For Life™ even when not everyone will be rooting for you.
With hypnosis for weight loss, you learn to root for you!
Everyone may not be rooting for you is this week’s reading from chapter 7 in my book, Becoming Slender For Life.
Becoming Slender For Life
As sad as this is to imagine, not all of your friends and family may be thrilled that you are releasing weight. The reasons for this are complex, and don’t necessarily imply that you have mean-spirited people in your life. It is often inadvertent on the part of the saboteurs-they rarely realize what they are doing. This can be one of the toughest hurdles to leap, especially if the saboteurs are in your immediate circle. So if this is your reality, the first key to dealing with it is awareness. Here are some signs of diet sabotage-how many have you experienced?
- “Honey, you know I like you just the way you are.”
- “I think your love handles are cute.”
- “It’s Christmas … you can’t diet during the holidays.”
- “Just have a few bites … this is the best cake I’ve ever tasted.”
- “You’re wasting away to nothing.”
- “What-now you’re too good for my cooking?”
- “What do you mean you’re not eating meat anymore-have you lost your mind?”
- “I wondered why you were so grumpy lately-it must be because you’re on a diet.”
- “The gym can wait … I haven’t seen you in ages.”
- “You’re doing so well on your diet-let’s go out for ice cream to celebrate.”
- “It’s too cold to go for a walk-let’s watch a movie instead.”
- “But I made this pie just for you-it’s your favorite!”
- “Why bother dieting-you know you’ll just gain it all back and then some.”
- “Oh come on, have the last cookie.”
- “Just finish up these potatoes-there aren’t enough to save for another meal.”
- “Let’s celebrate your birthday at that French restaurant you love so much … you know how you adore their chocolate tortes.”
- Then there are friends who repeatedly pass bowls of junky snack foods to you every time you come over.
- Co-workers who always have a candy bowl on their desk and bring donuts into the office once a week.
- Spouses who offer boxes of candy and other treats as gifts.
- Don’t go getting too skinny on us now.
- You look great! You don’t need to lose anymore weight.
Julie’s experience is typical. “Whenever I make an effort to improve my eating and reduce my weight, my friends, my mother and even my husband seem intent on undermining me. They bring rich foods into the house, they push desserts in front of me and tell me I don’t need to diet.”
Your weight loss program forces those around you to examine their own weight, and that may make them uncomfortable because they aren’t ready to change. Or perhaps they’ve witnessed your past weight loss failures and are simply trying to prevent another one. Or they could be simply jealous and fear that you may seek out new relationships to match your new body and improved self-image.
Whatever the cause, the answer is speaking your truth to those you experience trying to sabotage you. Let them know how you view their actions and words and request their support. It’s fair to ask your mother to fix more vegetables when you come over to eat. It’s okay to tell your friends to put the Cheetos away before you stop by. It’s reasonable to ask a co-worker to consider bringing healthier treats into work-or to at least put her donuts someplace less conspicuous. Even better-if it feels comfortable to do so, consider suggesting to your boss that the company adopt a healthy eating policy and dissuade employees from bringing in junk food. In any case, be sure to keep healthy snacks at the office so you can join in a birthday celebration-without the cake. When people try and shove food in your face, just say firmly: “No thanks-maybe later.” A conditional response will often make them go away, when a firm “No” elicits an argument. Above all, don’t be afraid to be assertive about what you need to succeed. You are the only one who gets to decide what you eat, and you need to enforce that right.
Others may need reassurances from you that you will not abandon them once you reach your target weight. Rather than nagging and pleading, be a good example for them, and some of them may well join you in your quest. Perhaps you’ll need to find new ways of participating in familiar social rituals. If you’re accustomed to going out for drinks after work with pals, you can still go-just order mineral water and a veggie plate instead of a pitcher of beer and a heap of onion rings. Or if you need to turn down food offered by friends and family, make sure they understand it’s the Boston cream pie you’re rejecting, not them.
But there’s no doubt your priorities will change as you get healthier. You may prefer going to the gym after work instead of a pub. You may want to go for a nice long run on Saturday mornings rather than go out for a big greasy brunch. You may learn to love different restaurants than the ones you’ve been used to frequenting. All these things can be cause for concern among those who are invested in your not changing. When they complain to you about your new habits, simply but firmly explain that you now place a high priority on your health, and let them know they are welcome to join you. If they insist on telling you how you should eat and what worked for them, simply smile, nod your head and say, “Thank you, but this is working for me.” Inevitably, some friends may indeed fade away from your life-but they will be the ones who are most toxic for your long- term success-so just remain clear what matters most to you, and you’ll be fine. For every potato who won’t get off the couch with you, there’s a new friend waiting who’ll love to join you on your daily walks.
Spouses can present the worst situations. A New York diet doctor studied data from more than 6,000 of his patients, and found that 70 percent of the women had difficulty eliciting support from their mates, as opposed to 5 percent of his male patients. He learned that a man often considers his wife’s diet as her problem, not his, and is unaware how his actions affect the outcome. Fears and concerns about sexual attractiveness may also be part of the mix.
Communicating why you are intent on releasing your excess weight and enlisting your spouse as a partner is key. Emphasize that your motivation is better health and more time to enjoy life together-it’ll be hard to argue with that.
Remember, every time you say “yes” to something you know is not good for you, when what you really want to say is “no,” you can create passive anger within yourself. Passive anger can gnaw away at you in the form of guilt and depression, making lifestyle changes much more difficult. Until you can say “no” whenever you want to, “yes” means nothing. When others sabotage you, remember that the problem lies with them and not you. You have taken charge of your life.
If sabotage remains an ongoing issue for you, journal about it. Your reality may be that you will just have to have stronger resolve and constant clarity about your intentions. Venting about it to your journal is at least an outlet. And you are especially likely to find comfort from a support group. Just don’t give away to anyone the power to determine the fate of your body!
Becoming Slender For Life pages 218 – 221
Your Hypnosis Health Info Hypnotic Suggestion for today:
I’m rooting for me to live my life Slender For Life™!
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