Filling Your Basket

Have you ever noticed that you are wanting something…like something is missing? You know, more food, a cigarette, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, a new car, new boy friend, new girl friend, new spouse, new boat, new house…… And then, when you get it, you feel satisfied for awhile, but then you want more, or you want something else? You may recognize it as a feeling of hunger, anxiety, restlessness, nervousness, anger or maybe as fear. Some people know it as a clenched fist feeling in the chest, an upset stomach, a sore neck or back, a migraine headache or other dis-ease.

It’s as if most of us are going through life with an empty basket that we are trying to fill.

We buy the new toy or clothes, which seemingly fills our basket, and we feel excited for a few days, maybe even weeks. Yet, that wanting or emptiness begins to eat away at us, that feeling like something is missing…that there is more available to us. So then we try to find something else to fill us, to make us complete. Still, we feel empty.

I see this repeatedly with individuals and couples struggling with issues such as depression, stress or relationships. A couple meets, they have fun with each other, they talk, they share…they fall head over heels in “love.” Each partner is getting some unfulfilled need met, getting something put into their basket. It feels wonderful. But then after awhile, something about the other person begins to bug us.

So we try to change them, and they often do change to be more what we want them to be….and we do the same thing, we change to please them. We give up a part of ourselves to fit their expectations of us. One day, one or both people realize the unhappiness they have created in their relationship. Both have given up important parts of themselves. We wonder what happened to the person we fell in love with. Sometimes we run from this relationship to a new one and start all over again, using the same old methods that have NOT worked, expecting to get a different result.

Often, I find that people focus on one aspect of their lives in search of happiness.


* Materially, they may have great jobs and plenty of money
* Physically, they may have fit, healthy bodies
* Mentally, they may be constantly learning, reading, discovering new wonders in life, perhaps going to school
* Emotionally, they may have close friends and perhaps even a great relationship
* Spiritually, they may regularly worship a Higher Power and try to live a spiritual life or try and achieve forgiveness

These are all outward ways we try to meet our needs, that we try to fill our baskets.

Each of these paths can take you a long way toward a better life and are great activities in and of themselves. Nevertheless, all the money in the world won’t make you happy. All the education will not eliminate the negative thoughts you may have about yourself. Friends and relationships don’t take away the loneliness you might still feel when you’re alone. And all the good deeds alone will not bring you peace in your heart and souls. Even people who seemingly have it all are often searching for something more to fill their baskets.

The only way to fill your basket is to fill it yourself.

We’ll never think we have enough money or a good enough body if we don’t accept ourselves just as we are. We’ll never enjoy positive thinking if we believe we aren’t enough. We’ll never be happy if we believe we’re unworthy of love and happiness. Even divine forgiveness will never be enough if we don’t believe we’re forgivable.

Abundance starts within us, with our baskets full and overflowing. A healthy relationship exists in our overflow, not in our neediness. It’s in our abundance, our mutual giving, where we love unconditionally, where we can love and not worry if we’re loved back. Abundance starts when we accept divine forgiveness by forgiving ourselves. When we are forgivable, we can love ourselves, have affirming mental self-talk and give gentle care to our bodies and environment. If we want physical riches, we must see ourselves as abundant. If we want tranquility, we must be at peace in our minds. If we want love, we must be loving. And if we want forgiveness, we must be forgiving.

John and I had been married 16 years and we were no longer getting along. We never talked other than to fight. We didn’t have sex, and I was afraid we were headed to divorce court. We went to Roger Moore and he used traditional counseling and hypnotherapy. It was amazing. I’d come into the session so mad and so sure that I was right and John was wrong. I’d leave the session willing to look at my part in the breakdown of our relationship and willing to hear what John had to say. Hypnosis allowed us to get beyond ourselves and be open to our love.


~ Cynthia