Jelaluddin Rumi (an eleventh century Persian Mystic and poet) wrote:
Beyond our human concerns of right and wrong
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
Our souls, sinking into that fragrant grass,
Will be too filled with ecstasy to even speak.
I have been reflecting on this quote for several days now. I have three couples that I am working with now where at the moment being right is more important that being loving. It saddens me to have a counseling session end with one or both of the individuals needing to be right rather than work on the relationship.
If you love someone, what does it matter if you are right or wrong? If you love someone, would it be worth giving up being right? If you want love, are you willing to give up being right and meet your partner in that field of loving?
I remember years ago in a seminar being told by one of the facilitators that I was righteous. I was blown away by this – I certainly did not see myself as righteous. Upon sharing this with my wife, she or course replied with “What do you mean – you always need to be right!” While I had been clueless previously, I knew immediately what they were talking about.
There was a fearful part of me that somehow gained value and worthiness as a human being by being right. If I am not right, then I am wrong. And if I am wrong, then I am not good enough.
If a couple stays in that I’m right and you are wrong place, then their relationship is doomed. There is no room for love when we are living in being right.
If you asked my wife today, she’d probably tell you that I still need to be right. I don’t deny it. But most of the time today – not always, I can let go of needing to be right in my marriage. Even though I know that I am right, I don’t have to fight it out by proving that she is wrong. I love her – so what difference does being right really make?
Let go of being right and allow your soul to be filled with the ecstasy of love.
If you want more on relationships, read Shape Up Your Love Life.
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