Becoming Slender For LifeSince it is Valentine’s Day I thought it only appropriate that today’s post be about relationships. I had to think about it for a minute – did I write anything about relationships in Becoming Slender For Life? But, then I remembered that I wrote numerous times that change has to be a change in your relationship with yourself. If you want a more loving, vulnerable and intimate relationship with your partner – then you have to show up and be more loving, vulnerable and intimate. That change begins within you. What have you put in your basket is this week’s reading from my book,  Becoming Slender For Life.

What have you put in your basket?

Have you ever yearned for something—more food, a cigarette, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, a new car, new boyfriend, new girlfriend, new spouse, new boat, new house, whatever—and then when you get it, you feel satisfied for a while, but eventually you want more, or you want something else? You may recognize it as a feeling of hunger, anxiety, restlessness, nervousness, anger or maybe as fear. Some people know it as a clenched fist feeling in their chest, an upset stomach, sore neck or back, a migraine headache or other dis-ease.

It’s as if most of us are going through life with an empty basket that we are trying to fill. We buy the new toy or clothes—which seemingly fills our basket—and we feel excited for a few days, maybe even weeks. Yet, that wanting or emptiness begins to eat away at us, that feeling like something is missing, that there is more available to us. So then we try to find something else to fill us, to make us complete. Still, we feel empty.

I see this repeatedly with individuals and couples struggling with issues such as depression, stress or relationship challenges. Somewhere a couple meets, they have fun with each other, they talk, they share and they fall head over heels in love. Each partner is getting some unfulfilled need met, getting something put into their basket. It feels wonderful.

But then after awhile, something about the other person begins to bug us. So we try to change them, and they often do change to be more what we want them to be. Then we do the same thing, we change to please them. We give up a part of ourselves to fit their expectations of us. One day, one or both people in the couple realize the unhappiness they have created in the relationship. Each has given up something important. We wonder what happened to the person with whom we fell in love. Sometimes we run from this relationship to a new one and start all over again, using the same old methods that haven’t worked, yet hoping to get a different result.

You see, when we are in a relationship based on our own neediness, it takes more and more to satisfy us. The relationship is like any other dependency. It’s as if our basket has no bottom; it’s an empty hole. When we keep taking from the relationship, it’s not long before there is nothing left to take and we are still empty. It doesn’t work to be looking to people or things outside ourselves to make us happy, to make us feel loved, to meet our needs. We are just increasing our wanting and our sense of lack.

Often, I find that people focus on one aspect of their lives to be happy. Physically, they may have great jobs, they may have lots of money, they may have great muscular bodies. Mentally, they may be constantly learning, reading, discovering new wonders in life and going to school. Emotionally, they may have close friends and maybe even a seemingly great relationship. Spiritually, they may regularly worship a higher power and try to live a spiritual life or achieve forgiveness.

These are all outward ways we try to meet our needs, that we try to fill our baskets. Each of these can go a long way toward a better life and are great activities in and of themselves. Nevertheless, all the money in the world won’t make us happy. All the education will not eliminate the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. Friends and relationships don’t take away the loneliness when we’re alone. And all the good deeds will not bring us peace in our hearts and souls. Even people who seemingly have it all are often searching for something more to fill their baskets.

The only way to fill our basket is to fill it ourselves. We will never have enough money or a good enough body if we aren’t enough just as we are. We will never enjoy positive thinking if we believe we aren’t enough. We will never be happy if we believe we’re unworthy of love and happiness. Divine forgiveness will never be enough if we don’t believe we are forgivable.

Abundance starts within us, with our baskets full and overflowing. A healthy relationship exists in our overflow, not in our neediness. It’s in our abundance, our mutual giving where we love unconditionally, where we can love and not worry if we are loved back. Abundance starts when we accept divine forgiveness by forgiving ourselves. When we are forgivable, we can love ourselves, have affirming mental self-talk and give gentle care to our bodies and environment.

If we want physical riches, we must see ourselves as abundant. If we want tranquility, we must be at peace in our minds. If we want love, we must be loving. And if we want forgiveness, we must be forgiving.

From Becoming Slender For Life, second edition,
pages 223 – 225

Are you ready to fill your basket by being more loving to yourself? Would you like to learn self-hypnosis to treat yourself with grace? Then give me a call or send me an email. As a hypnotherapist and relationship counselor, I can help you to achieve your goals.

Check out Slender For Life™ and call (206) 903-1232 or email for your free consultation.

Your Hypnosis Health Info Hypnotic Suggestion for today:

I am loving and forgiving to myself and others.

If you’d like to receive daily blog posts, it’s easy! You can sign up in the upper right corner of this page.