This weeks reading from my book, Becoming Slender For Life is Uncovering Protective Layers. In my Seattle weight loss hypnosis and Bainbridge Island weight loss hypnosis offices clients learn hypnosis to uncover their protective layers. You too can use self hypnosis to help you lose weight and keep it off.
Uncovering Protective Layers
Imagine believing that an activity is not safe physically, mentally, and/or emotionally and then going ahead and doing it—for the rest of your life! Now that’s a challenge!
There are so many reasons why people use food for protection—and I’m convinced now that men use food for protection as much as women do. Often clients are unaware—even shocked—when they realize their weight is protecting them from something, and that they really don’t want to let go of their excess weight. It’s as though they have two different warring halves. One side wants to release the excess weight, and the other side wants to hang onto the instant satisfaction that sugary, fatty foods provide.
Rachel talked about her “evil twin” who was there to protect her. She eventually created a new relationship with her now “loving twin.” The job of this “loving twin” is to protect her in ways that serve her best health and interests today.
A common excuse I hear from both men and women is that when they were thinner (and almost always when they were much younger) they were sexually promiscuous. And now their fear is that if they get to a healthy weight, they will again be promiscuous.
Sylvia is a delightful woman in her late 70s who had 60 pounds she wanted to let go of. In one of her sessions I asked her if it was okay for her to release her extra weight…did she need to keep the extra pounds. She looked stunned, but only hesitated for a moment when she began telling me about how she loved her husband of over 40 years and had a monogamous relationship with him. But she also explained that she’d been sexually promiscuous as a young adult prior to meeting her husband. Sylvia realized she feared that if she was at her ideal weight, she would again be attractive to other men and cheat on her husband. I asked her if she was the same person today as she was in her 20s and asked what she had learned through life experiences. I also asked if she was presented with the opportunity now, would she really cheat on her husband. “No!” she emphatically replied, “I love him…of course I wouldn’t do that!” This is one of those moments where I can see a client’s neurology changing as that shocked looked comes over her face, and she realizes what an unfounded fear she’d held on to.
People who have been sexually abused, both men and women, frequently use excess weight to protect themselves from others. Several gay men have shared with me that by being overweight they are protected from AIDS, as no one wants to have sex with a fat man.
The reasons people believe they need to keep weight on are limitless and extend far beyond physical and sexual abuse. People hide out, keeping others safely at a distance; they use weight to have an excuse to keep from doing something, such as cleaning the house or going to parties. Some people even rely on their excess weight to draw attention—when it’s difficult for them to move, they can get others to wait on them. Ultimately, they all avoid vulnerability.
Another common protective excuse is, If I’m successful attaining my ideal weight, what else will I expect of myself? Or, If I’m successful at reaching my ideal weight, what else will others expect of me? Louis understood this well, once he realized he was using his morbid obesity to keep his sons at a distance. He’d never been particularly athletic, and he didn’t enjoy playing catch and other sports with his children. His weight was his excuse for not playing sports. By the time his two boys were in grade school, Louis had eaten himself out of close relationships with his sons. They were so embarrassed by his appearance that they had stopped asking him to come out and play with them.
When Louis finally understood that he was missing out on a lot more than shooting hoops in the driveway, he had all the motivation he needed to change his lifestyle and get out of his recliner.
Donna is an attractive woman in her late 50s. She was about 40 pounds overweight and was embarrassed by her appearance. She turned down social events, parties and fund raisers because of her embarrassment. Donna had been very socially active, yet she didn’t particularly enjoy the social scene. Even though she was overweight, she was well liked and highly respected and continued to receive social invitations. She realized that without her extra fat, she would no longer have an excuse not to attend those social functions. Happily, Donna did reach her goal weight and did learn to say “No” to unwanted social events.
And then there are issues surrounding attention. Women often feel uncomfortable having men notice them. Sometimes husbands will sabotage their wives (or wives will sabotage their husbands) so that no one else will be attracted to them.
Sometimes simply being noticed is uncomfortable. A common feeling is, “No one will notice me when I’m fat. I can hide.” And some people are uncomfortable being complimented when they do lose weight. They don’t want the attention and wonder why they’re receiving it just for weighing less. There is sometimes anger over this attention as they wonder, “What was wrong with me as a person when I weighed more?”
For Lori, who packed on over 100 pounds in under a year coping with the death of her partner—and sadly, also the next person she got close to—the extra fat meant she had time to grieve in peace without fending off more eager new men. In two years she doubled her weight and finally felt safe from unwanted attention. The real trouble started several years later when she thought she was ready to release the weight. Until she made peace with the role her weight had been playing in her life, it was absolutely impossible for her to keep the extra weight off, because she had convinced her unconscious that the extra weight was a wonderful, useful thing.
Solution for protective layers:
First it’s important to do some self-examination to determine if you’re holding onto weight for protection. Awareness is the first step. Sometimes all it takes is a light bulb moment to be ready to release long-held weight.
What are you hiding?
To uncover what you might be protecting yourself from, journal about these words and what they mean to you:
I offer you healthy solutions to safely lose weight and most importantly, keep it off. You can learn self hypnosis for weight loss and create a new relationship with yourself and with food so that it can be okay for you to release that extra weight. Schedule your free consultation today either in my office or via Skype.
Check out Seattle weight loss hypnosis and Bainbridge Island weight loss hypnosis. Call (206) 903-1232 or email for your free consultation.
Your Hypnosis Health Info Hypnotic Suggestion for today:
It’s okay to release the weight.
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