Do you ever wish that you could just stop judging yourself? I hear frequently people beating themselves up with very abusive self-talk for. Sometimes, this judgment is about a dieting slip – eating food that makes you fat when you are trying to lose weight. Often at the core of this negative self-talk is guilt and judgement. Learning how to truly forgive yourself and others can be a powerful and freeing experience. Clients in my Seattle hypnosis and Bainbridge Island hypnosis offices learn how to separate themselves and others from their actions and to let go of the judgements of the behavior.
Stop Judging Yourself
My take on forgiveness is to not focus on the act, but on the judgments we hold about the act. Too often I hear forgiveness described as a sort of fairy tale about an incident—making it okay that we just ate a whole package of Oreos. But it isn’t okay and it will never be okay. Still, we don’t need to judge ourselves for it either. I encourage clients to leave their whips with me in my office. They don’t need them anymore.
Self-forgiveness can be a powerful, loving process. Self-forgiveness separates who we are from our actions and judgments. The real issue is your judgment. Your judgments of yourself and your judgments of others are what poison your psyche. By letting go of your judgments, you can put the past behind you and move on. By letting go of the judgment you are not making your behavior or someone else’s behavior okay, you are ending the negative mental self-talk.
I learned about forgiveness at the University of Santa Monica. This is the first approach that ever made sense to me. When clients are self-flagellating about how terrible they are, I encourage them to take out a piece of paper and do this exercise.
Fill in the blanks.
I forgive myself for judging myself as_____________________.
In the blank line, you write the judgment. For instance, I would write: I forgive myself for judging myself as not good enough. I forgive myself for judging myself as fat. I forgive myself for judging myself as having no control.
Next, you write a person’s name and the judgment you hold of them.
I forgive myself for judging _____________________ as_____________________.
Examples: I forgive myself for judging my spouse as abusive. I forgive myself for judging Bob as hurtful. I forgive myself for judging Mary as skinny.
You see, our actions are our actions. They occurred, right or wrong. Whether these actions occurred one minute ago or 30 years ago, it is our judgment about the action that eats at us, that decimates our self-esteem. It’s not up to us to judge, and by letting go of the judgment we free ourselves from the continued abuse of the action. Some people have experienced inexcusable acts of abuse. But many years later, they are the ones carrying on the abuse—not the abuser. What happened, happened. There is no need to pretend it didn’t. But what hurts us now is our judgment about what happened. Our job is to let go of the judgment.
Sometimes, it feels like life just sucks. Nothing is going right. Life is hard and filled with disappointment. Stress is high, the scale is holding and you feel stuck. Sound familiar? During these times, it is really easy to have a pity party and to be very hard on yourself. These are the times that you most need to treat yourself with grace, compassion and love. When you let go of your judgements of yourself and others, it becomes easy to love yourself with grace and compassion.
Your Hypnosis Health Info Hypnotic Suggestion for today:
I love myself with grace and compassion.
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