Will it help? Becoming the Greatest Expression of You

Three words

At a recent Palm Desert Area Chamber of Commerce meeting, someone talked with me about the anxiety she experiences. She gets nervous about driving her car on a city street. She stresses about going to a friend party so much that she finds an excuse to not go. She becomes fearful at the slightest ache or pain in her body and wonders what horrible disease she may have contracted.

When I asked her, “Does it help to live in fear,” I saw a reverberation run through her body. It was if she had never considered that this anxiety was not only not helpful, but that it was optional. She does not have to live her life in anxiety. She then asked for my card so that she could schedule an appointment with me.

Those three words are powerful reminders that fear, anger, stress, anxiety or other emotional upsets do not solve or change anything. Yes, anger, hurt, fear and sadness are normal, natural human emotions. They can actually be healthy.

We all experience life upsets. These emotions can protect us. Some things in life are scary. Fear can keep us from falling off the edge or standing too close to the street as the bus goes by. The problem is that when we get stuck in fear, anger and hurt or when we are paralyzed by anxiety, it keeps us from fully living life.

Think about it for a moment. Bring to mind the last time that you were nervous, stressed, anxious or worried – did it help? Has stressing over something ever helped you? Has being anxious about something ever changed the outcome? Did it help?

I get to be right

During an online session a man was telling me about the anger he experiences. He is angry at work, at home with his wife and kids and on the golf course. When I asked how being angry helped him, he paused, burst out laughing and said, “I get to be right.”

When he has his anger outbursts people remove themselves from him and then he gets to be right that people abandon him – and then he becomes angrier. That anger did not get him what he so desperately wants which is love and belonging.

You do have a choice

The next time you experience anger, hurt, fear, sadness, stress or anxiety, take a moment and acknowledge your emotion. It is not right or wrong, it is what you experience in that moment. Next, ask yourself, “does this help me?” and remember that you do have a choice. You can choose to indulge yourself in the upset or use it as motivation to create change.

Play with me for a moment:

• Recall one of your common upsets that leaves you stuck in an emotional state that is different than how you want to be in this life.
• Now, bring to mind the Greatest Expression of You and memorize your Joy.
• And now, Mentally Rehearse joyfully being your Best Self and choosing a satisfying solution to the upset.
• Notice that you can be fearful, angry, hurt or sad and also, joyfully be your Best Self and move through the upset.

The choice is yours. Stay in upset, or be your Best Self and move through and beyond the upset.